Consent

i have coercion fantasies, i enjoy a certain amount of pain and roughness.

But here’s the thing, it has to be done in the right way, by the right person at the right time or else it just doesn’t do it for me. 

It has to be consensual, it has to be within my limits, and i have to know i am absolutely safe with the person i am playing with and that it can be stopped at any time by a single word.

W/we have to have talked about it, and talked about it a lot before it ever comes to a point where my consent is given, and just throwing that shit down because You think someone is into it and You think You know what they mean, and what they want without express consent, safe words and an understanding that it will happen is not only stupid, but it’s also very likely assault.

Don’t expect me to submit to you simply because i am submissive and You are Dominant. Don’t assume You know what i like, want or need just because i am submissive and You are Dominant. i may flirt with you, i may talk with you, i may like you. None of those are consent.

i may like pain, i may like roughness, i may like spankings or beatings, i may like to be held down and fucked hard. None of those are consent.

It doesn’t matter if You know what i like. It doesn’t matter if W/we’ve done it before. It doesn’t matter if You “know me better than i know myself." None of those are consent.

If Y/you don’t understand what consent is Y/you have no business playing in the big wide world of delicious fun that is BDSM.

i’m talking to You, and i’m talking to you.

If it’s not consensual, it’s not BDSM.

~sandi

originally posted on my tumblr. here