It Depends On Your Kink

i see posts all the time that start or end with something along the lines of “a submissive is” or “a Dom does” and i’ve even reblogged some of them myself, but i think they are exclusive phrases and stereotypes that may resonate with some of U/us but ultimately are not an accurate reflection of what, i hope, most of us are looking for when we become involved in the bdsm community.

Because when all is said and done, it depends on Y/your kink.

Statements like, a submissive needs more attention than other women isn't necessarily true. i know i have moments when i feel tremendously needy and in those moments that statement really resonates for me, but i have plenty of non-kink friends who have equally needy times and don’t have a submissive bone in their bodies and some submissive ones who are amazingly self contained.

Pretty much anything starting with “A true…” is going to be followed by something that isn't true. There is no such thing as a true Dom or true sub.

The only person who gets to decide what Y/your kink is, is Y/you.

i adore wax play. The anticipation, the heat, the splash, the burn…yum. It is no less a kinky activity than a person who is into needle play. A person who is into foot worship but isn't into pain is no less a kinky person than one who is into flogging. This person wants to be tied up, and that person doesn't, this one wants to dominate while that one wants to top, that’s completely fine.

One of the things i love about the kink community is, for the most part, it is based on inclusive principles. “Y/your kink isn’t my kink and that’s okay,” The point is to find someone who Y/you like and shares Y/your kink and wants to play.

W/we all have our fantasies and bdsm gives us a safe and consensual way to have those fantasies fulfilled. Just remember, not everyone fantasizes about the same things. 

~sandi

originally posted on my tumblr. here