PSA on Crayons for Wax Play

i thought i would add a little info about what i did with the crayons for the sake of completeness.

I purchased silicone mini muffin cups for melting the crayons and melted the crayons in a water bath in the oven. The oven was set at 150 degrees and i checked them every 10 minutes.

After 40 minutes, some of the crayons were a nice liquid, some where still fairly solid or had solids still in them and one had barely begun to melt at all.I eliminated the ones with solids and the unmelted one from my optional colors on the theory that 150 was too hot for me, and not hot enough for those particular crayons. And while i do enjoy intense sensations i don’t enjoy burns. :)

I tested each of the colors on my skin for heat/temperature, first on the outside of my wrist, then on the inside. Then i started my fun. :)

The wax goes on hot, but it cools very quickly. And once cooled it was very hard and brittle. This had some unexpected yummy side effects in that any time i shifted or moved it pulled up from my skin, nice tugging sensations. Other waxes i’ve played with are much softer and more flexible once they've cooled and don’t pull at your skin in the same way.

I tried painting with them on my skin, but they cooled and hardened too quickly and there was not a lot of heat transferred. So i went almost immediately to picking up the cups and  drizzling the wax onto my skin. mmmm.

Love, love, love the rivulets of heat snaking over my skin. Love the way the colors were so vibrant and intense. Love the way they layered over each other without losing their brightness. 

It would have been especially nice, i think, to have the wax removed with a knife, but alas, i was experimenting alone. :(

And even more sad, about 10 minutes after the wax was removed, and before the pink had even begun to leave my skin, i had an allergic reaction to what i assume was something in one of the waxes.

i’m allergy prone, and have a few pretty serious ones, and i’m not willing to skirt the edges of my allergies as part of play. Some cetirizine and several puffs from an emergency inhaler set me right, but i don’t think i will be playing with crayons again. sigh.

So here’s the PSA part of things:

• If you have to heat it higher than about 150 degrees to melt it, be cautious putting it on your skin. Perhaps try dropping it from a greater height. You’ll get splashy spots that way vs. rivulets, but it will cool it some on it’s way down. Test it first!
• Test each color individually before you pour it on yourself or a playmate.Different ingredients have different melt points and pouring something hot and adhering onto the skin can cause serious burns.
• Be aware if the wax is pooling in any location, the heat is pooling there too and can increase to the point of causing burns.
•  Be aware when using something like crayons that you do not know all of the ingredients in the product and it may cause an allergic reaction.

That’s about it. This would have been amazing as part of a scene, but experimenting is fun too. i would absolutely play more with crayons if it weren't for the allergies, but anaphylaxis can ruin a good time, lol. :)

Play safe and have fun!

~sandi

originally posted on my tumblr. here

Fantasy vs Reality

i’ve been thinking about writing this for some time, it’s just taken me this long to gather my thoughts on what i want to say.

And it should go without saying, but i’m going to say it anyway. The safety and well being of children is the responsibility of every adult on the planet. It doesn't matter if they are your children or someone else’s, children need and should be able to depend on the adults of the world to look out for their best interests. Children are not capable of giving informed consent.

Having said that, here goes….

A lot of what we do in the world of  BDSM is about fantasy fulfillment. The fantasy of having someone completely within Your power, of being completely within the power of someone else. The fantasy of removing choices, or having choices removed. 

Bondage. Rape. Torture. Domination. Submission.

There are lots of fantasies, and lots of ways to fulfill them.

But fantasy is exactly what it is, and it can never be confused with reality.

Take abduction fantasies as an example.

The fantasy of having someone bound and waiting on your pleasure, of being bound helpless at someone else’s mercy. If you are the “abductor” or the “abductee” in the scenario, it’s some pretty potent stuff.

And in the fantasy that’s how it works. The submissive is tied up, left in a room, the Dominant comes and goes as they please, uses them as they choose, complete power and control.

The reality is very different.

If a person were, indeed, tied to a bed, or anything else for that matter, and immobile for any length of time, you run the risk of bed sores.

That’s right, decubitus ulcers. They result from continued pressure to soft tissues that interrupts the blood supply when a person is unable to move to relieve the pressure. They’re pretty ugly, and can be difficult to heal. 

We run the risk of nerve damage if the bonds are too tight. If you experience pins and needles when the ropes are untied or the cuffs are removed, your nerves have been affected. For short periods of time it’s probably not serious or permanent, but are you and your partner paying attention?

We run the risk of emotional trauma if either one of you buy into the fantasy too deeply or trigger something from the past. Have Y/you discussed your histories? Y/your triggers?

We run all kinds of risks.

That’s why, as responsible players, we don’t ever tie someone up and walk away. Ever.

If the fantasy requires the illusion of abandonment, then certainly the “abductor” may move out of site of the “abducted” but they stay within hearing of their “victim” and are prepared to intervene quickly if the need arises.

As responsible players, we have to look out for the well being of our play partners, if for no other reason, so we can continue to play with them.

As responsible players, we play with tools on hand to quickly remove ropes and other bondage items if the need arises.

As responsible players, we educate ourselves so we don’t damage or injure our partners, either physically or emotionally.

As responsible players, we let our partners know if something doesn't feel right or is becoming too much for us.

As responsible players we play in the fantasy without confusing it with reality.

Are you leaving toys in too long? Are those bonds too tight? Are you striking them in a safe place/way? Are the toys you are playing with clean? Has everyone involved consented to the actions taking place?

All parties involved are responsible for the reality check. Not just the Dominant, not just the submissive. If Y/you are participating in fantasy play, Y/you are responsible for Y/your own safety and the safety of your play partner(s).

If you are the submissive, the bottom, the slave, you aren't doing your partner or yourself any favors by keeping quiet about things that aren't going well. If you are at risk and you don’t clue them in to the situation, to your distress and they don’t pick up on it, both of you will have to deal with the consequences.

If you are the Dominant, the Top, the Master, you aren't doing your partner or yourself any favors if you don’t check in on their well being, if you don’t pay attention to their physical and emotional health. And you will both have to deal with the consequences if things take a turn for the worse.

It’s the irresponsible players who mess things up for the rest of us. It’s the ones who confuse fantasy with reality and muck up the works, who give BDSM a bad name, who get laws passed and take away our fun.

So be responsible. Enjoy the fantasy, but live in reality.  

~sandi

originally posted on my tumblr. here

Let me clarify…

It is not a good thing to accidentally do anything that causes injury during lifestyle play.

It is completely irresponsible and unsafe to play with someone, even yourself, who is being incautious enough to accidentally cause harm. Many types of play in the lifestyle are dangerous. And by dangerous i mean an activity that can cause youserious bodily harm or death. 

It isn’t safe for a sub, and it isn’t safe for a Dom to be playing without taking care and precautions to prevent that from happening.

As a sub, you could end up with permanent injuries, nerve damage, paralysis or death. As a Dom You could end up in a lawsuit, behind bars, or depending on the laws where you reside, facing the death penalty.

No one wants that.

If you are participating in play where the intention is to cause controlled injuries to the body, and by that i mean bruising, bleeding, burning, scarring, Y/you damn well better be doing it in a responsible, controlled, planned way.

Know anatomy and know where You are striking Your sub/bottom. If You are striking them repeatedly or with force over bony protuberances on the body, You may bruise or break the bone. If You strike them repeatedly or with force over their kidneys You may bruise or scar their kidneys.

There are numerous publications and websites that have charts showing safe and unsafe area’s to strike a person. Study them.

With Your hand, a whip, a paddle, a crop, a flogger, a cane, anything You are using to strike them, know Your instruments, know Your art, know where to strike and where not to strike, and the amount of force it is safe to use.

Always have sharp scissors, preferably bandage scissors, handy when You are tying someone up. It only takes a few minutes for lack of blood supply/oxygen to cause necrosis of tissues and nerve damage.

If it took You 20 minutes to tie them up and it’s going to take You 10 minutes to untie them, You better have a backup plan for when things go wrong, and with rope play Your best backup is a pair of bandage scissors and depending on the rigging a spotter to help if/when things go wrong.

There are so many potentially dangerous forms of play, that’s why trust, knowledge, knowing Y/your play partner, education, negotiation and control are so important.

Part of being a good Dom or sub is playing responsibly.

Yes, accidents may happen, but if Y/you play responsibly Y/you minimize the risk. If it was something that could have easily been prevented, then maybe Y/you shouldn't be playing with that person or in that way.

So yes, i accidentally burned myself with my wand, and yes i was being stupid. It’s not something i'm bragging about or proud of, it’s something stupid that i shouldn't have let happen.

It is no good to play with someone who gets so caught up in the play that they lose sight of safety, even if that someone is yourself.

Be smart, play responsibly. When Y/you don’t and something serious happens, W/we all suffer the consequences. :(

~sandi

originally posted on my tumblr. here