Safe Words

Again and again i see posts from submissives who think they have no say in their relationships.

Again and again i see posts from Dominants who think submissives have no say in their relationships.

i see shit like “He hasn’t granted me a safe word yet.” like it’s a privilege that has to be earned.

i get it if Y/you don’t like or feel that protocol is necessary. i get that Y/you love the feeling of surrender/control. i get that relationships get comfortable and filled with trust.

But granting someone a safe word is total bullshit. 

A safe word’s sole purpose is to convey consent. 

It is a conversation that has occurred between and Dominant and submissive, between a bottom and a Top, between a Sadist and a masochist before play has begun, where limits have been discussed. 

It establishes the submissive/bottom/masochists consent to whatever play is taking place.

It establishes the Dominant/Top/Sadists consent to whatever play is taking place.

It establishes a way for both to check in on the other persons level of comfort with the play that is taking place.

That’s it. It isn’t earned. It isn’t a holy writ. It isn’t a privileged.

It is understanding what consent is and making sure that consent still exists as play progresses.

It’s that simple. It’s that straight forward. It’s that basic.

Consent can be present without safe words. But if Y/you are going to be pushing limits, either physical or emotional, if Y/you are going to be experiencing all the intensity that goes along with that, consent can change in a heartbeat. 

The most common safe words are green, for full speed ahead, yellow, for proceed with caution, and red, for stop. They mimic traffic lights for a reason.

Safe words aren’t about right or wrong or even Dominance and submission. They are words that are meant for safety.

~sandi